omg... i look like that!?!

Yesterday was quite an experience for me...  I spent all day in a training session for my job.  It was focused on improving your presentation skills and customer service.  The training itself was pretty awesome!  I learned a ton about how I present myself and how to appear much more calm, relaxed and trustworthy to those I communicate with.  But this post is not a recap of the skills presented.  It is about the video that they took of us giving our presentations.  Boy was it an eye-opener in more ways than one!  I was shocked at how a little effort changes the entire way you look while presenting yourself.  I truly thought my "initial" speech, before coaching would be better as new skills make me nervous, but wow!  Even though I felt super nervous and was sure I looked ridiculous, my final speech was amazing!  Here's a screen shot from it:

The big shocker for me though was how much weight I've kept on after having my baby 8 months ago...  That is not at all how I thought i looked!!!!  I mean, I knew I still wasn't fitting in to most of my pre-baby wardrobe, but really?!?  And why hasn't anyone told me?!?!  I actually got a comment about how I looked like I had lost some weight recently... I guess that was code for "hey fatty, maybe you should lose some weight!"  Anyway, this is not meant to be a poor me post, but to share that I am now officially motivated to DO SOMETHING to change this disaster that has become my body.  (okay, maybe it's not that drastic or terrible, but I'm still just in shock after re-watching the video....) 

I think it's quite remarkable to me how we all develop this "body image" of ourselves at some point while we are young, and it doesn't really change.  In my early teen years, I was overweight.  I've always pictured myself as a bigger girl, even when i lost over 30 lbs, I never felt like I was skinny.  However, in my mind I had always created this self-image of myself that looked similar to the me from age 17.  I knew that I had gained some weight before pregnancy, more while pregnant, and then it stayed even after baby.  However, in my head I was still the 17 year old who could lose 10 pounds but could still pull off a bikini in a pinch.  Watching this video of myself rudely slapped me back to reality.  :-(   But it's okay, because now I know and can do something to change it!  Wish me luck!