Mommy just spent her first night away from her baby!!!  Oh my goodness do I miss her...  I have now spent one night away and still have two more to go before I return home.  My trip was not necessarily by choice, I'm at a confernce in Washington DC that's required for work.  I'm having so many mixed emotions about this absence from my little family.  I miss my little girl, her smile and hugs and just cuddling her.  But these are the first days in 8 months where I haven't really had to worry about the needs of anyone else while I got ready this morning.  On the otherhand, I was sad that I didn't get to kiss her or pick out her adorable little outfit this morning.  I'm getting to spend some time in a great big city, but it all feels a little blah.  I'm surrounded by amazing sights and sounds but what I really want is to see it with my husband and kids, not just me in the big city on my own.  What a change!!!  I used to love going out and having fun every free night.  Now I just want to cuddle and love on my people!  Nothing profound in this post and no need to make it too long...  Just wanted to share a little about my first experience away from home as a mamma!

omg... i look like that!?!

Yesterday was quite an experience for me...  I spent all day in a training session for my job.  It was focused on improving your presentation skills and customer service.  The training itself was pretty awesome!  I learned a ton about how I present myself and how to appear much more calm, relaxed and trustworthy to those I communicate with.  But this post is not a recap of the skills presented.  It is about the video that they took of us giving our presentations.  Boy was it an eye-opener in more ways than one!  I was shocked at how a little effort changes the entire way you look while presenting yourself.  I truly thought my "initial" speech, before coaching would be better as new skills make me nervous, but wow!  Even though I felt super nervous and was sure I looked ridiculous, my final speech was amazing!  Here's a screen shot from it:

The big shocker for me though was how much weight I've kept on after having my baby 8 months ago...  That is not at all how I thought i looked!!!!  I mean, I knew I still wasn't fitting in to most of my pre-baby wardrobe, but really?!?  And why hasn't anyone told me?!?!  I actually got a comment about how I looked like I had lost some weight recently... I guess that was code for "hey fatty, maybe you should lose some weight!"  Anyway, this is not meant to be a poor me post, but to share that I am now officially motivated to DO SOMETHING to change this disaster that has become my body.  (okay, maybe it's not that drastic or terrible, but I'm still just in shock after re-watching the video....) 

I think it's quite remarkable to me how we all develop this "body image" of ourselves at some point while we are young, and it doesn't really change.  In my early teen years, I was overweight.  I've always pictured myself as a bigger girl, even when i lost over 30 lbs, I never felt like I was skinny.  However, in my mind I had always created this self-image of myself that looked similar to the me from age 17.  I knew that I had gained some weight before pregnancy, more while pregnant, and then it stayed even after baby.  However, in my head I was still the 17 year old who could lose 10 pounds but could still pull off a bikini in a pinch.  Watching this video of myself rudely slapped me back to reality.  :-(   But it's okay, because now I know and can do something to change it!  Wish me luck!

my life today...

I'm having trouble deciding how to start my new blog and where I want it to go, so why not give a general description of what my life is like today?  I am a newlywed, but with a full-fledged family even before day one!  The hubby and I got married on April 1.  I've always had this obsession with getting married on a holiday, and April Fool's day is what we ended up with!  Hubby says our wedding day is the last one I will ever spend without a prank being pulled!  (don't know how to feel about that one!!!)  My husband and I are remodeling the basement in our new house to create the master suite of our dreams and a great family room area.  It's going to be so wonderful and the hubby has done so much incredible work already.  I am amazed just about everyday with the things he can do.  We have lived in our house about a month, and there is still tons of unpacking left to do.  Quite a bit is on hold until the remodel progresses so we have the space for our belongings to decompress.  Much of the decorating is on hold waiting for the unpacking to progress.  I'm fighting incredible urges to jump to the decorating phase as that's what I'm really passionate about, but I'm practicing patience.  Some days are more successful than others! 

I have an 8-month old baby girl.  I have a 10-year old stepdaughter.  My youngest is a wonderful baby!  She's happy pretty much all the time and loves to play.  She only gets grumpy when she's hungry and when she wants attention.  We are anxiously waiting for her to crawl and for teeth to start popping in!  I can't wait to watch her grow more each day. 

Alex, my older girl, is with us every other week.  She's a pretty good kid, and we seem to be getting closer every week.  Our relationship has been a pretty wild ride, and honestly it's mostly because of me.  I have some very strong feelings on blended families, having grown up in one and now raising one, so love me or hate me it's up to you.  When my hubby and I got together, as I mentioned, I was not looking for something serious and was definitely not ready for dating someone with a kid.  We had a lot of tough times as I adjusted to this role, and honestly I don't know that we would have toughed it out had I not been pregnant with Molly.  I absolutely hate having kids split time in two homes.  I think it is terrible for consistent parenting.  I am not saying that only one parent should have a relationship at all, I do think it's important to maintain a close connection with both parents but I wholeheartedly feel that one household needs to be the primary residence.  We do not have this, and are in a constant battle to give poor Alex some consistency.  Enough of my rant for now, I'm sure it will be something I feel the need to touch on again in the future. 

Right now I feel like I'm juggling so many responsibilities I feel like my mind can barely manage it all, but somehow we keep making it through day by day.  Life right now is insanely busy but good.